Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
