Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
