I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
