Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
