I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
