I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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