Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its not stalking. its research.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
