I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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