Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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