New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
