addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
