I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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