Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
