Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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