it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I die, sorry about rent.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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