I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
