Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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