Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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