K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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