well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
