good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
