i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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