what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
