they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
