Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize