the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
4 words: hood of his car
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
