Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
