I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
50% drunk capacity currently
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
