Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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