i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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