The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
