I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've blown a few things in my day
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
