so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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