So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
