I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
