now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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