I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
