I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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