i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
