And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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