yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
