I have demons in me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
