Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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