I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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