So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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