so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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