Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
