halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
