my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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