She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
