im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
