i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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