It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
