I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
