What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
