I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
