Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
