i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize