she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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