Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
