im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
