I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
