Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
