he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
