textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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