I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
