its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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