With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
