just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
