so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
