Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
