Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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