Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
