at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
