Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
